Written by Dr. Perry, PhD
Image Credit: Pixabay
It saddens me to hear people refer to themselves as being damaged. They speak about themselves as if they are a commodity that is for sale; a product whose price has been reduced for a perceived flaw. Often this expression is accompanied by the idea that no one would want to be with them. This idea of being damaged often stems from some form of abuse where the learned message was that a person is worthless, not worthy of love, damaged, broken or insignificant. These early life experiences become the basis for the negative core belief that a person is damaged.
It is important to realize that these negative core beliefs are not the truth. You have learned them from your environment. Your life events, experiences or wounds have driven these beliefs deep into your psyche. It takes awareness and conscious effort to break free from your negative core belief.
I want to say to those of you that see yourself as damaged that you are beautiful the way you are. All your past pain has made you into a more empathic and compassionate human being. To have experienced pain is to have a richer understanding of the beauty of life. Pain has given you a gift. It has made you more aware of the intricacies of life. In order to truly appreciate the gift of life, we must be able to withstand the darkness of life. You are not damaged. You are more evolved emotionally because of the experiences you have encountered. Please know that I do not mean to make light of the pain you may have experienced. I am pointing out that it is possible to find meaning in your pain.
Next time you want to refer to yourself as being damaged, stop and think of what you are saying about yourself. Are these really your personal beliefs or have you adopted beliefs that are not your own? Every traumatic event regardless of whether it is mild or severe leaves an imprint. For example, if a person experiences abandonment early in life they will possibly encode into their belief system that they are not loved, not important or that they are worthless. In this case, the environment of neglect has bred a false negative core belief.
In order to unravel the tight ball of acquired negativity, you must slowly peel away the years of these learned beliefs. You eventually can reach a point where your feelings about yourself are something you experience and move through rather than something that signals a reason to tell yourself negative messages. I hope these thoughts find you well.
The thoughts expressed in this blog post are my own and are not meant to create a therapeutic relationship with the reader. This blog does not replace or substitute the help of a mental health professional. Please note, I am unable to answer your specific mental health questions as I am not fully aware of all of the circumstances. If you would like to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with me to see if we would be a good fit to work together please click here to email my assistant, Isabel.
Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology
M.A. in Clinical Psychology
B.A. in Psychology
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