How To Regain Your Balance When Life Knocks You Down

Written by Dr. Perry, PhD
Image Credit: Pixabay


“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.” ~Gail Sheehy

We have all heard the expression that life can change in the blink of an eye. One moment you are skipping down the yellow brick road towards your happily ever after unaware that the paved road is about to turn to dirt. You work hard and feel that you are deserving of the life you have made for yourself. This sense of entitlement can relate to many areas in your life; including your job, relationship or a certain standard of living.  In essence, you feel you have done everything right and are set on collecting your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The reality is that life is not predictable. The outcomes in your life are not based on a merit system. In what seems like an instant you can wake up and find yourself in a life you no longer recognize. The loving partner that once stood by your side can become a stranger overnight. In a moments notice your employer can decide to replace you. Sickness and death can instantly appear and change your life forever.

It is important to note that often the life-changing moment that has crashed into your life like a huge boulder through the roof of your home, started as a pebble. The routine experiences of life have a way of lulling us into a sort of daydream that we expect to last forever. Day in and day out as we cohabitate with our loved ones, we may begin to lose sight of one another. We may even forget to appreciate and respect each other. The once special shared moments may soon be replaced by the tedious details of everyday life.  Unexpressed anger and resentments may soon occupy the place that once stored love and kindness.

The daily jobs that we were so proud of may quickly become routine and burdensome. We may go from moment to moment unaware or forgetting that life is not always so routine and predictable. We blindly go forward forgetting to pause and check in on the health of our lives. We need to occasionally stop and assess our personal health, the health of our relationships, employment and life in general. Life is not a daydream. You must be fully awake to truly experience life.

Moments like this have the ability to stop time for an instant. Suspended in time, the shock of the experience will leave you speechless and unable to think clearly.  You soon realize that your life will never be the same. This moment has the power to change the course of your life. It is up to you whether the long term outcome is positive or negative.

After experiencing such a powerful moment, it is important that you give yourself time to process your emotions. You may immediately feel a range of emotions such as anger, fear, rage despair, confusion or grief. Allow yourself to feel these emotions fully, as long as you are not placing yourself in personal danger. Do not judge your emotions, just let them be. If you need to cry and grieve the loss of your relationship, job or other circumstance, do so. The loss may feel much like the death of a loved one. Heartache is one of the most difficult emotions. You are not only mourning the loss of the person, job or circumstance, but you are also mourning the loss of the person you use to be.

You can begin to accept the power of the moment after you have had time to go through and process the different emotions. The pain you have experienced, which has taken you off your course, may result in a powerful and transformative change in your life. Emotional pain has the ability to soften you so that you are able to receive the gifts that life has to offer. Going through these life-changing moments will allow you to gain invaluable empathy towards your fellow human. Only by experiencing own heartbreak will you know the depths of this emotional pain and be able to help others in similar situations.

It is important that during this time of emotional upheaval you surround yourself with friends and loved ones. For example, if you have suddenly lost your job you may feel defeated and worthless. By having loved ones around, they can remind you that you are more than your job. You have not lost value in their eyes just because you are unemployed.

After a healthy amount of time has passed it is important to continue engaging with the outside world. Do not isolate yourself. Human interaction is important in that it allows us to feel we are part of a larger community and reminds us that we are not alone. Interacting with others will remind you that we all suffer pain and loss. Experiencing failures in life are what make us human. We begin our lives as babies who stumble and fall repeatedly as we attempt to stand on our own. Each failure strengthens our legs and our will power.

Sometimes we fall short in life. The relationship that was meant to last forever fades away. The dream job can turn into a nightmare. Your perfect health can vanish and leave you dependent on others. Acceptance that this is part of life and not something bad that has happened to you will help you realize that we all will experience life-changing moments in our lifetime. Often times, these “bad” experiences turn out to be roadblocks that were keeping us from continuing down the wrong path.

I would love to hear from you. Have you had a life-changing moment that changed the course of your life?

The thoughts expressed in this blog post are my own and are not meant to create a therapeutic relationship with the reader nor are they meant to be used for self-diagnosis. This write up is not all-inclusive and is only meant to provoke curiosity on the subject. This blog does not replace or substitute the help of a mental health professional.

Please note, I am unable to answer your specific mental health or psychology-related questions as I am not fully aware of all of the circumstances.

Kindly,
Dr. Perry


CREDENTIALS
Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology
M.A. in Clinical Psychology
B.A. in Psychology


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125 responses to How To Regain Your Balance When Life Knocks You Down

  1. Shelly says:

    Hello Dr. Perry! This is a beautiful post. I lost a job I had for over 20 years. I was devastated and went through all the motions you mentioned. My life actually improved after this experience and although painful I would go through it again.

    Liked by 9 people

    • charliedoggett says:

      Shelly, Me too! I lost a job of 22 years just a few years after losing a wife of 20 year to divorce then later losing a 17 year old daughter to death, and the emotional loss of my son – grieving is essential but life goes on and I love it.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Dhvani says:

    Nothing was constant and nothing will.. But legend created by realising that power of non constant state of life only.. So much genuine and so much powerful at the same time.. I am truly amazed by the post.. Loved it..

    Liked by 5 people

  3. Sunshine24/7 says:

    I love how you point out that as children we use our failures to stand to strengthen our legs. Great post!

    Liked by 7 people

  4. Dhvani says:

    I had that movement.. When I was even not having enough money to have lunch.. But see everything passed.. Today I am blessed with everything in life..

    Liked by 5 people

  5. DREW5000G says:

    After an episode with the police knocked me sideways I was brooding without realising. My innermost self was preparing to use the crash as an excuse to self destruct. I usually visit family at weekends but I sat brooding refusing to go. I guess my friend saw what was occurring and virtually forced me to go, which I finally did. I was so glad I went it turns out. Having people around that care about you helps you realise what is important. Your post totally relates, thanks for posting.

    Liked by 9 people

  6. Steven M. says:

    It was great to see this in my feed. I have trouble with change and this reminds me I need to learn to go with the flow of life. Thank you.

    Liked by 7 people

  7. A very thoughtful and well written post of great insight. Dealing with the aftermath of a car crash that left me with severe head injuries nearly altered the course of my life for the worse. I had to learn how to positively manage the challenge and rest assured I have drawn great inspiring lessons about life from that experience.
    I completely connect with the emotions behind this excerpt of your post: ‘Going through these life-changing moments will allow you to gain invaluable empathy towards your fellow human. Only by experiencing own heartbreak will you know the depths of this emotional pain and be able to help others in similar situations.’
    Have a wonderful day Dr. Perry.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Elisabeth P says:

    It is true that life can slap us in hard ways and in strange moments. Being into such a shock myself, and in analysis, I struggle to perceive my new desired self and standards and what am I supposed to learn after the rude awakening.
    Thanks for your article!!

    Liked by 5 people

  9. In my humble opinion, we all need at least one life-changing moment in our lives in order to shake up complacency. The tragedy of 9/11 gave us one. It’s not about the moment, but about how we use it to change our lives for the better.

    Liked by 6 people

  10. TadraLife says:

    Hi thank u for this post well I just had a wake up call on my health in the weekend & even thou it was a random sugar level test it got me thinking, making healthier choices for the past 2 days & hopefully consistent.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. At my age I have had a good many of them. Your article is right on track. The bigger the change the longer it takes to absorb it. Loss usually comes in waves instead of all at once. So the loss of a loved one may take a long time. Other losses may be quicker. Going on is critical.

    Liked by 6 people

  12. sheetalgarg says:

    After I lost my best friend … things were never the same .. And I thought that no one will become that special in my life ever again… but now things are better … It always gets better …!!
    Thankyou for writing this !

    Liked by 3 people

  13. thedewdiary says:

    I describe going through life on “autopilot”, just living life one day at a time, sleep, wake up, repeat…

    I always define my life as before getting diagnosed with CML and after. I fought very hard for tmfirdt few years after getting diagnosed but soon just started living life on autopilot. Accepting my lot in life, low self esteem and pity my constant friends…But in past year, there is a third phase I am going through: waking up, yearning to live fully…I want more out of life. Am no more living life as if I’m living on borrowed time…waiting for cancer to move into life threatening phase: I have stubbornly clung to my faith in God that I am healed. Now it’s time to dream new dreams…i am ready to LIVE

    Liked by 3 people

  14. ZeroSpace says:

    This is a very well written piece. You present each point with laser sharp clarity and in such a vivid way, yet without coming off as preachy and annoying. Very compact, straightforward, and simple. I mention this point because Medium.com has many articles in the same spirit, but the authors cannot achieve that balance and thus their points are lost on discerning people who are sensitive to tone and presentation, such as me. Hats off from the writer and critical reader in my brain. Professional level execution here. This comes at the right time for me, and I will likely save and re-read it to get me through a rough patch. For me it was “the dream job turns into a nightmare” – which one can hardly expect when one accepts said dream job and continually receives salary increases and praise but cannot apparently handle the stress of the job as expressed by worsening anxiety. Anyway. Thanks for posting and I am wondering if I might reblog this with a link to your blog?

    Liked by 5 people

    • Dr. Perry says:

      Please feel free to use the reblog tool provided by WordPress to share but do not copy and paste it entirely because doing so has a negative impact on google searches. Thank you for your comment✨

      Liked by 3 people

  15. “You are not only mourning the loss of the person, job or circumstance, but you are also mourning the loss of the person you use to be.” This is the most poignant sentence, and the residue of loss that’s the most difficult for me. Very insightful.

    Liked by 8 people

  16. Brilliant post. I totally revise myself here. Many years had pass since my life-changing moment, the wounds are healed now, yet the scars remain. Of one thing I am sure about it, life was totally up side down and things were never ever the same. That trigger my spiritual awakening, and if all that was the price to be awaken, I would pay it again. And just me and God/Universe knows how dark it was. Many blessings Dr. Perry for your great work. In the light, S*

    Liked by 6 people

  17. jandvig says:

    Your post resonates deeply, as I’ve had that life changing moment(s) recently. Having had to process the emotions associated with being faced with life changing events I realize the value those moments serve with underlying wisdom that may not be fully understood (yet). It’s that trust and faith that upholds the will to go on and strive to accept and allow the change(s) that have presented themselves so unexpectedly.
    For me, it was a long term relationship that felt like it was over, but then morphed unexpectedly into my own life threatening incurable disease , which I’m presently facing. The relationship healed but the illness remains.
    I am working to process so many emotions and my soul connection to the “unknown” is the gemstone and light that keeps me from falling into hopelessness. And that there is actually an underlying unseen wisdom in all life events.
    Your post reminds me I am certainly not alone. Thank you.

    Liked by 6 people

  18. I have experienced so many catastrophic life changes and I honestly wouldn’t change any of it. A lot of pain and a lot of hard work has brought me to myself. I love who I am. Its liberating and strengthening.

    Having a support system is very important. Don’t forget communities in cyberspace. I have a fantastic network of incredible people right here on WordPress.

    Liked by 7 people

    • Dr. Perry says:

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Excellent point, communities like WordPress can provide much needed support. Have a wonderful day✨

      Liked by 3 people

  19. Many of One says:

    @ 47 I’ve had a few & feel to be in the mist of one now. The depth of my detachment is becoming noticeable to me. I enjoy reading your insight…ty for taking time to share!

    Liked by 4 people

  20. Maria D says:

    I lost “the love of my life” overnight. The pain was immense and I thought I wasn’t going to make it. A year later I am stronger, happier and more compassionate. I wouldn’t change a thing. Thank you so much for writing this!

    Liked by 4 people

  21. Scarlett79 says:

    I have had two life altering experiences. Car Accident/Traumatic Brain Injury. I went out to get my hair done for a Wedding one Saturday morning in February and woke up in the hospital the end of March 🌿🍃🌿. Paralyzed on my left side, unable to see or remember anything. Our second life altering experience was the loss of our baby Sean Patrick. I’ll never forget how unforgiving life can be. Just keep moving forward and realize life is a gift and to live in the present. In the blink of an eye, in the blink of an eye!!! Blessings 🌿🍃🌿

    Liked by 6 people

  22. Just Bacon says:

    Thank you for sharing! I think it’s a good reminder too that we shouldn’t blame ourselves for bad things that happen to us. Even if our circumstances came to be based on the choices we made, we are human and are allowed to make mistakes. The key is to acknowledge this fact, forgive ourselves, and move forward. Thanks again for sharing!

    Liked by 6 people

  23. jomz says:

    I needed this. I am experiencing this life-changing thing, and I am still reeling from the blow of being kicked in the nether regions by life. Things may seem hopeless, but I try to tell myself that it isn’t. I just have to endure it.

    Thanks.

    Liked by 5 people

  24. sosparkly says:

    Thank you, this is an important post. You are talking about resilience. It is a rare commodity these days, and it comes with perspective. When we realize that we all suffer loss and failure in life, and some suffer at a level that is so much worse than our own. We must make the only logical choice, which is to get up, and keep going…

    Liked by 5 people

  25. monicatbd says:

    I was almost six months sober when my boyfriend of 4.5 years broke up with me. It was at that point that I had to start truly deciding for myself if I was worth sobriety.
    I’m very grateful to say that despite still having quite a bit of emotional pain that I’m working through, today I am 628 days sober. Had it not been for this event that I never saw coming, I do not know if I would be sober today.
    Acceptance is the key to my sobriety. Like I said, it still hurts, but the pain has been worth it for the amount of self worth, respect and love I have gained living a sober life.

    Liked by 7 people

  26. “Life is not a daydream. You must be fully awake to truly experience life.”
    Profound advice and reminding. Being “fully awake” has taken on new meaning for me after heartbreaking and devastating events—-there is no more “daydreaming” through life. It is what is- with all emotions that come with it. The comments are a fellowship in and of themselves, as a reminder we are not alone in our pain. Thank you. 🙏

    Liked by 6 people

  27. Laura says:

    This is really helpful, kind, and practical. I especially loved the part where you said “Only by experiencing own heartbreak will you know the depths of this emotional pain and be able to help others in similar situations.” This is so true! It reminds me of the quote by Ernest Hemmingway – We are all broken; That’s how the light gets in. 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  28. Helen says:

    I remember the day time stood still. About a year ago I discovered my husband was cheating on me. Worse and best day of my life. 3 years later I am a much stronger and better person for having survived that moment. I chose to spend time on myself and work on myself and have never been happier. Thank you for sharing this post Dr. Perry.

    Liked by 3 people

  29. liberallin says:

    Dr. Perry,
    I feel like this article was written for me. In the past year, I have been hit by a tsunami of life events- terminal illness diagnosis for both elderly parents, 20 year marriage ending in divorce after adultery revealed, transition from working to retired, unexpected health issues necessitating major life changes. I have found that blogging helps me to deal with this overload. It is more effective for me than talking to friends/family about my problems since they all seem to have their own worries.

    Liked by 4 people

  30. Amrutha says:

    Some of the recent experiences in my life felt like punched hole through me, made me emotionally vulnerable. But, its ok as always I’m already on the way of healing myself and becoming stronger and learning to handle my emotions again. Happy with who I’m today. 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  31. Robin says:

    I am in my sixties, and there have been many life-changing moments, too many to write about here in a comment section. If only someone had told me this when I was 18, it might have saved me a lot of grief and learning things the hard way. Thankfully, it didn’t take me until I was 60. I just wanted to say I appreciated what you wrote and thank you for the post.

    Liked by 8 people

  32. Ashauk says:

    I feel like this post speaks directly to me! I’ve been experiencing job loss (and also finding it hard to find a job too); my business ran to the ground after we were cheated a few times; my first partner cheated on me and when I thought she wanted to work things out with me which I traveled halfway across the globe to see her, she walked away within a few days of me leaving; my second partner person whom I thought was the love of my life became a stranger overnight just because she didn’t know what she wanted in life; and these happened like a domino within a period of 2.5 years. Still recovering from the aftermath and struggling to keep my head up but I believe better days are coming my way.

    Liked by 7 people

  33. I’ve had several life changing moments. My mother died in my arms when I was 16. I got rheumatoid arthritis when I was 26 and had to give up a career as an archaeologist. I moved to the other side of the world because I fell in love. That relationship broke down after 5 years and I had to decide if I was going to stay over the other side of the world or move back to where I came from. I stayed. I quit a pretty much guaranteed-for-life job and plunged into the unknown to start a company with my cousin. I’m sure I’ll have a few more before it all ends.

    Liked by 5 people

  34. rduncanheart says:

    My health changed several years ago. It can be good for a while, then change again in a day. Also, my relationship with our kids(adult). It has really changed in the past few years.

    Liked by 4 people

  35. Leslie C. says:

    I do believe that acceptance is a big part of moving forward. Whatever the situation may be you can’t get stuck in why did it happen. Great post!

    Liked by 4 people

  36. Great post, as usual, Dr. Perry. Being exposed to toxic mold ripped my life out from me when I “should have” been in my prime. How quickly our lives can change in the blink of an eye, and bring a flood of emotions to process. I never would have picked this path but it certainly made me sit up and take notice and stop being a workaholic. Although physically healing was frustrating and slow, I learned many things through the experience like the importance of self care, setting boundaries, being grateful, and asking for help. It also deepened my spirituality to a completely other level. And yes, I can empathize today with others who look okay on the outside but are suffering from an invisible illness.

    Liked by 6 people

  37. D.B. says:

    I felt like this post was written for me. I’m going through a lot of life changes and reading this post and the comments reminds me I am not alone. Thank you so much🙏🏻

    Liked by 6 people

  38. Mike Nevin says:

    I agree with what you say. In my case a sudden return to life limiting illness has turned our lives upside down. 1.5 years on I am starting to find who I am again through writing. I find that blogging about my health issues both releases frustration in me and helps others. What I hadn’t expected until I started was that it would help me re discover myself.

    Liked by 6 people

  39. Thanks for sharing this doc.

    I did earlier in the year and along the way too.
    Life is definitely not constant and keeps evolving but in it all keeps us growing and going!.

    Liked by 5 people

  40. Powerful words, reminders really ♥️ For me, some days I’m a champion, others just surviving but everyday I am present in the moment, offer gratitude for my life and seek to be a better version of me. Thank you so much for sharing xoxo

    Liked by 5 people

  41. gypsysoulsun says:

    I have experienced several moments in life that have been real universe shifters: marriage, the birth of my daughter, the death of my brother, the death of my mother. These happenings have really helped me grow and change.

    Liked by 5 people

  42. SomewhereinTX says:

    In the past year I have lost loved ones that made me feel lost and alone. It was an incredibly difficult time but I beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. I have gained much insight and appreciation for life. It’s such a fragile thing and we must cherish every day.

    Liked by 2 people

  43. Patunia says:

    My current partner lost their spouse. This spoke to me on a level I had no idea existed until not long ago. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. “Life is not a daydream. You must be fully awake to truly experience life.”

    Liked by 4 people

  44. Luna Pratiwi says:

    I lost my job several months ago. I was so desperate, stressed, disappointed of myself. Then I started writing again after 3 years hiatus and create the blog to help me cope out with this despair. Thanks for sharing.
    Best regards.

    Liked by 6 people

  45. -Eugenia says:

    Excellent post, Dr. Perry. I survived 4 layoffs and finally retired at 67. No regrets after over 40 yrs in the corporate world but a sense of relief now that it is over.

    Liked by 5 people

  46. If you had asked this question 875 days ago, I would have told you about how I’d survived the deaths of siblings and my dad, divorce, and a major hurricane. Then 876 days ago arrived. I lost my youngest daughter – age 17 – in a car accident. My life looks NOTHING like it did before. Almost immediately, I ceased working. A couple of months after the accident, my husband and I were relocated half-way across the country. A couple of months after that I started a blog as a way to keep myself focused on hope through this process (and hopefully point a few others in that direction as well). A couple of months after that, I started seminary. And – just a couple of months ago, I started career 2.0 as Executive Director of a nonprofit in my daughter’s memory. I wouldn’t make it through this journey alone. Support is critical. Keep on encouraging people to get the support they need!

    Liked by 9 people

  47. Sharon says:

    Every time I sit still and really read and experience one of your articles – it amazes me. For myself, I think I have gotten stuck in experiencing the worst of the bad moments, without truly allowing myself to work through the emotion as a whole. Two years ago, even one year ago…I thought I was so on track with my life. I thought I had vision for what I wanted to do and who I wanted to become. But, somehow- here I sit yet again, feeling like the lost, scared little girl that is afraid of everything. It is definitely time to sit and look inward, and find the path to overcoming the pains. When I was on the ‘high of life’, I spouted off quote after quote to inspire and motivate others…and now, I rarely post a blog at all. It’s time to find change…

    Liked by 7 people

  48. Alex says:

    You are absolutely correct that the boulders that smash into our happy homes start off as tiny pebbles we choose to avoid. I should have tried to mend the disconnect my wife and I had. Instead I let miscommunication lead to a huge disconnection then separation. Iusy admit I was shocked when she told me she was leaving me. I’m trying to move forward and you article helped me a lot. Thank you.

    Liked by 6 people

  49. Angie says:

    I’ve had many life changing moments, some positive and some devastating. Acceptance has definitely been key: in healing, forgiving, growing, and moving beyond each incident to absorb the lesson.

    Liked by 5 people

  50. kaneleb says:

    Hello Dr. Perry! I love this post! It has deep truths without the sugar coating. It is very common, especially in men, for people to hide away from their emotions and traumas – causing further lasting damage! I experienced heavy emotions the other day after finding out that my mum might be homeless by Christmas. I took a walk around nature and allowed the emotions to simply be, then, with a more calm and collected thought system, I could start to think about what I can do to make sure this doesn’t happen. I used these emotions are fuel for the fire, driving my motivation to be successful up to the roof. When I got home that night I got to work on publishing my first Ebook, I started up my new site and I’ve been more productive than ever before! Like you said, it is up to us to make it into a positive or a big negative in the long run – I couldn’t dwell in sorrow, rather rise in passion!
    Thank you for this article and I hope you are having a splendid start to your weekend! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  51. Great article! It got me thinking about what I am doing with my life right now. I recently lost my job. At first I thought it wasn’t any big deal, I’d get another job and move on to a happier place. Well, a new job hasn’t been found yet only because I am trying to find something in my trade. The weeks of job search have been a roller coaster with applying for jobs, getting some call backs, getting the declines and hearing absolutely nothing on others. I’ve gone from the “I got this!” emotions to “Why me?”. I have finally reached my point of this is enough. Looking at where I am in my life, I’m assessing if I really want to get a job in the field I’ve been working in. Maybe it is time to do something different, take some classes, learn something new and maybe, just maybe be happy with going to work. So yes, life changing events are hard and some can really strike the ole ego. But life is a learning process. It has many lessons to teach us. Even if I’m unemployed, I’m grateful for this opportunity to find the path I want to go on. It is the right place for me now. Thank you again for this article!

    Liked by 2 people

  52. My life changed when I lost my husband to cancer. For about a year I felt almost dead inside, then I started therapy and the real grieving process began. Another year on and I decided that, if I was going to survive (and yes I mean that literally) I needed to make a big change in my life so I moved from rural Essex to the South of France. Another year passed, during which I oscillated between loneliness and isolation and trying anything that would give me an adrenaline rush (from riding on motorbikes at 250kmph to white water rafting). I was lucky enough to make some really good friends but I knew that I had lost myself somewhere along the way. The path to rediscovery was long and painful and there were honestly points where I thought I would be lost forever in the cycle of grief but 5+ years on, I have just published my first novel and I am beginning to feel strong again – possibly stronger and more independent than I was before as I have had to learn to live alone and trust my own judgement.
    Loss in any form (although especially the death of a loved one) throws more emotions at us than we can cope with – pain, grief, anger, guilt, depression, desperation, fear and I know that, for me at least, the only way to cope is to shut down. I held on so tight to all these emotions as I was terrified that they would overwhelm me; there were times when I thought I would drown in my own tears but, over time, little by little, I faced them all. The only one I have left to deal with is anger and it’s the one that scares me the most but I know one day, when I’m ready, I will let it out and then I will be whole again.
    Thank you Dr Perry for this thought-provoking, inspiring piece. :O) x

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Amanda(h) says:

    For the most part, I consider myself to be relatively lucky. I’m currently where I want to be in life, and there haven’t been many bumps in the road along the way. That said, there was one moment when I suffered a loss of opportunity. It definitely led to grief and all the related signs of it. It was the only thing so far that I’d ever let myself really want and really expect. But, whilst it was a moment which was painful, I eventually picked myself up and made the best of it.

    But, given how low I was then and considering that there are many more major losses I may be yet to experience I worry that the grief I felt then isn’t even half as bad as it can get. I’ll keep this post in mind if the time ever comes. I’m the person that generally tries to hide their pain and I prefer to ignore it if possible, but maybe I should try getting help the next time round. And maybe that will make the entire process of picking myself up more manageable in tougher circumstances.

    Great post!

    Liked by 2 people

  54. TMH says:

    Good line: “Acceptance that this is part of life and not something bad that has happened to you will help you realize that we all will experience life-changing moments in our lifetime.”

    Liked by 2 people

  55. na1man says:

    that’s a nice headline : lately I was thinking I was really tired with not much energy. I thought about my life and remembered I had energy when I had a balance!

    Liked by 2 people

  56. I feel you wrote this at the right moment. I’ve lost a relationship I expected to last. It is very difficult because of all the growth I needed to do to get where I was. And it ended, outside circumstances, I just had my breakthrough too late to save it. I do feel like I’m grieving. The loss of what could have been and what I wanted.

    Sometimes I feel the sadness is spilling into my soul. And even though I know it’s not me, it still hit my self-worth. Thank you for this post, you reached me.

    Liked by 4 people

  57. Great article, 2019 has been an emotional roller coaster and sometimes living life can seem barren but your post left me with a firm resolve to pick myself up and live for the moment

    Liked by 4 people

  58. Becky says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this post. I lost my best friend 7 years ago when she decided she had had enough of this life. Although I was left heartbroken, losing her made me kick start my life. I left my relationship of 6 years, and moved to the bright city lights of London. And I can honestly say, I have never been happier. I miss my friend immensely, but I take comfort in knowing that she would be incredibly proud of the person I have become.

    Liked by 4 people

  59. colettebytes says:

    I have had so many yellow brick roads turn to dirt, they would fill a book, but life is cyclical and ever changing… ‘If you don’t like the weather, just wait a few minutes.’

    Liked by 2 people

  60. Jaderenee says:

    Your post really resonated with me. Thank you for an excellent article. I can see that it touched many. I would also like to reblog on “A Walk in the Clouds”.

    Liked by 2 people

  61. YobiWorks says:

    Father died. Then wife came out of the closet. My tightly curated friends turned out to not be friends, and no one appeared despite appeal, laid off for the 1st time. Then let go for standing up. My therapist at the VA said I literally have had every single serious life event happen in the last 6 years. And that is only the last 6. Le sigh. Thanks Doc! I shared in social media, and network. Good writing.

    Liked by 2 people

  62. Wonderful post Doctor Perry. Yes I’ve had several life changing moments in my life as I’m sure everyone has. Everything you have said is what you have to do to get by the hard times. The saying, “This too will pass,” is true. Your life will get better and balance will be restored. Life won’t be the same but it will still be good.

    Liked by 2 people

  63. Amrutha says:

    Read this again today. Felt like reading it for the first time 🙂
    This is exactly what I’m feeling right now.

    “After experiencing such a powerful moment, it is important that you give yourself time to process your emotions. You may immediately feel a range of emotions such as anger, fear, rage despair, confusion or grief. Allow yourself to feel these emotions fully, as long as you are not placing yourself in personal danger. Do not judge your emotions, just let them be. If you need to cry and grieve the loss of your relationship, job or other circumstance, do so. The loss may feel much like the death of a loved one. Heartache is one of the most difficult emotions. You are not only mourning the loss of the person, job or circumstance, but you are also mourning the loss of the person you use to be. ”

    I really needed this. Because, really Am confused with my emotions. I’m asking myself Am I overacting ?
    But no, I really miss the person I used to be.

    Liked by 2 people

  64. Just went through this with dealing with uterine cancer, which I handled well I thought, until they have me a cat scan which showed something in my bowel which my Dr. said looked like cancer. Had to wait for a colonoscopy to find out “it was not cancer”. That waiting was the hardest thing I’ve ever done….

    Liked by 2 people

  65. Nimish says:

    Hey Dr. Perry. Thank you for such wonderful post.
    I am going through a tough phase in my life as i have filed for divorce. This process is very stressful. Somehow i feel shy to share my emotions about my divorce. I have started living very private life. Many times i feel like writing about it on my blog but i dont get that confidence to go ahead.
    I know this pain and hard days are temporary. Things will be perfect very soon.
    Regards,
    Nimish G

    Liked by 2 people

  66. V says:

    Agreed. Even though i found that the “bad” experiences have an important role in grounding you and if you give them attention, without just discounting them as “bad” – these experiences can fortify you like nothing else ever will. Great stuff!

    Liked by 2 people

  67. Thisisreeny says:

    Hello Dr!
    What a beautiful post to read this morning. Change is a necessity in life. It’s a roll a coaster of growth in life.
    Like you said « If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living ».
    Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

  68. As a teacher I have seen lives change in a heartbeat. A mother whose son went to bed and never woke up, the little girl who accidentally stepped in front of a car. That was a moment which changed my life too. I remember that little girl most days. It has often caused me to give my own children an extra hug.
    I also think of the day when I was finally believed regarding the narcissist in my life and my journey to freedom began.

    Liked by 2 people

  69. one@atyme says:

    Thank you for this. You’ve said so much so succinctly. A phrase touched a chord – “Only by experiencing own heartbreak will you know the depths of this emotional pain and be able to help others in similar situations.” Yes indeed! I’ve gone through some trials over the years, and it is because of these trails and heart aches that I’ve learned to be kinder to people, and show more compassion. I am now able to come alongside others who are going through similar circumstance and provide an arm to lean on or a shoulder to cry on.

    Like

  70. Nancy Ruegg says:

    Helpful reassurances here, Dr. Perry. For years I thought the grieving process applied only to losing a loved one to death. Somewhere along the way I realized that circumstances can cause us to grieve as well: a broken relationship, a move across state, a lost job, etc. Recognizing that grief occurs in such situations–and is OK–is comforting in itself. But one way I have found to combat the accompanying depression is to be intentionally grateful. And the growth of character through tough circumstances is also worth celebrating.

    Liked by 2 people

  71. Zena Ann says:

    Omg, this post has hit dead-on with the struggles I am going through. I; already suffering from other traumas, have a hard time being around others because of my unemployment. I can’t join in or do things I would like to do. I hate feeling like a burden to others: financially, when I can’t afford to barely “keep up with LIFE.” Thank you for this great post.

    Liked by 2 people

  72. Janet Boston says:

    What a beautiful blog and insights to read. I saved this so that I can re-read it if Im feeling down or demotivated. I just recently have a life changing experienced. When I thought my life was going perfectly according to our plans then I discovered that my husband was having an affair for 2 years already. I was shocked and devastated at first. Hatred, anger, resentment overflowed my emotion. It was a heart breaking moment when you know that someone you thought would never hurt you betrayed you for a long time. And you have no idea about it because he acts perfectly that you thought nothing has change. Its painful to know that someone you thought you will spend your lifetime with chose to be with someone else. That he can leave his family behind. And all you can do is to set them free and start over again your own life without them.

    Liked by 2 people

  73. Thanks Dr. Perry. The past few months have been pretty challenging as I have blogged. But with the right family and friends’ support, reflection, and reminding ourselves that we cannot change others, the ship rights itself again. Congratulations that you continue to help so many thousands to find their emotional strength.

    Liked by 1 person

  74. runjumpskip says:

    I would like to share this on our blog page, as a community in Ireland, we often witness the distressing result of those who are failing to pick themselves up. So with your permission I would like to post this as it is and point others to your amazing site.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dr. Perry says:

      Please share it using the reblog tool on WordPress or share it via a link to this page. Please do not copy and paste it in its entirety as that negatively impacts search results in google. Thank you🙏🏽

      Liked by 1 person

  75. Doreen M. says:

    Wonderful post. I recently got very sick. The timing was horrible. This post helped me a lot. I just have to accept that I am not as healthy as I want to me but I can start making changes today. Thank you🙏🏾

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dr. Perry says:

      I’m happy to hear my blog post helped you. Thank you for reading and commenting✨

      Liked by 1 person

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